I Refuse

So I have to confess I don't get to go to church very often. As a poor college student I work whenever the hours are available and I always have the sunday morning shift. Although I would rather be at church most sundays, I cant refuse the work especially when its one of my two shifts weekly during the school year. Anyway tomorrow I have off and had told my Pastor that I would be there and could sing if they had still wanted me to. So at youth group this week I cam across a song that I reallyyyyy liked. It's Called I refuse and it sums up a lot of the feelings I have going into camden and my last week at home.

I don't want to live like I don't care

I don't want to say another empty prayer

Oh, I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else

To do what God has called me to do myself

I could choose not to move

But I refuse

I could CHOOSE not to go to Camden, I could CHOOSE not to notice the hurting and the needy, I could CHOOSE not to listen to the calling I hear, I could CHOOSE to be "responsible" and work and save money,  I could CHOOSE to be "practical" and find a ministry closer to home, I could CHOOSE not to move, but I REFUSE. Sometimes I think it would be sooooooo much easier not to choose, just to pretend like everyone's okay, to say a prayer and feel fulfilled but I would be lying to myself. God calls people to MOVE and anything less than that, at this point would be ignoring him. 

As I was practicing this song to sing in church tomorrow it crossed my mind "this can sound alittle holier than thou" but for me its not about  parading around what I'm doing or how much God is using me. It's crying out, saying I dont want to be this, but it feels like the whole world is against me and I need your strength. 

In less than a week I will be moving back into Camden for the summer. I pray that he breaks me, and he uses me.