Privilege

Privilege: a right or immunity granted as a peculiar benefit, advantage, or favor


This word has been on my mind a lot this week. What does it mean? Who decides if someone is privileged? Should you use it? How do you use it?
I have never considered myself privileged. I grew up in a situation that I never asked for, father in jail and a single mom struggling to make ends meet. When I would think of privilege I would think of money. Because with money brought power, opportunities, and material things. Another reason I never considered myself privileged was because in my own mind the word had a negative connotation. Someone who was self righteous, and unaware of the things going on around the world and even in their own neighborhood because they didn't have to worry about anyone but themselves.
One of the many things that I have learned this summer is that I am privileged. Not by birth right, socioeconomic status, race or ethnicity but because I am a daughter of God who has been blessed. Being at Messiah College and having the opportunity to attain a higher education is a privilege. 
Along with this privilege comes responsibility. A responsibility to be an advocate, to be aware, to speak up, to encourage others, to be humble, to be thankful, and to listen to the one who has given me this privilege.
 

I'm not ready to make nice

"Don't yell and your friends and your church" This was the advice we recieved during our transition talk at UrbanPromise. Last summer I will admit I did just that. I was passionate, and my eyes had been opened to so much through living in Camden but the reactions I got when I returned home were not at all what I had expected. Life had gone on, soon enough the E-town fair was here and the tractor pulls were in full swing, school was starting and everyone was rushing to buy their brand new school supplies, and talking about how many hours a day they practiced. I found it hard to just "jump back in" I mean how could I? With all that I had seen and heard, the people I met, how could I pretend that I was okay with the rest of the world pretending that places like Camden didn't exist. I found that my personally life changing stories didn't have such a huge impact when they hadnt experianced it themselves. This was not only heart breaking but infurating.
As time goes on I continue to learn about what to do with everything Camden has taught me. I honestly still dont have it figured out. But I do know this

I wont forget what I have seen

I wont pretend everythings okay when it's not

I wont be complacent

I wont back down from what I believe in

I have said many times that I am not good with words, and thats why I sing. Someone puts into words all the things that I often cant say. Today as I was youtube I found an old song, called Not ready to make nice.

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

There are times when I cannot back down, because injustice has a name, homelessness has a name, abuse has a name, neglect has a name, suffering has a name, and those are things that I wont back down to because a year later it still makes me mad as hell and the day that I do back down is the day that something inside me dies...



I wish I could be there, but I can't

Today I said goodbye to some of the most amazing people I have come into contact with. Saying goodbye and adjusting into life back at home is something I always struggle with. Leaving last summer was heartbreaking, my heart aches and still does at the thought of not being there to love, encourage and motivate the kids who so quickly stole my heart. But throughout the last year I have gotten to a place where I am okay with leaving the kids, because I know its not a goodbye but its a see you in a month. I use to feel empty coming back home knowing that part of my heart would remain in Camden but it now brings me comfort knowing that I call camden and etown home, and I am lucky enough to have an amazing family of people who love me and care about me in both places. 
This year I have struggled with goodbyes in different ways. On monday the interns left, I knew it would be difficult saying goodbye to the people who we have lived and worked with for the past six weeks but that is not actually what got me. As I watched vans pulling out of the parking lot I looked around and saw street leaders and kids devastated. The people who invested in them, believed in them, and who were there for them all summer were suddenly gone and on a plane to the other side of the US. My heart hurts for the people left behind. My prayer is that these relationships continue and that even thousands of miles away they continue to be the encouragement and support that these kids need.
And lastly today I said my own goodbyes. Today the assistant directors left to go home and back to school. These incredible people have been my friends, my support system, my comic relief, and my shoulder to cry on for the past 8 weeks. Without this group of people I don't know how I would have made it though the summer and words cant even describe how much of a blessing they have been. In many ways I haven't been able to process everything yet, and I am not sure what will happen from here but I pray we continue to be part of each others lives.
This is a song that an amazing intern shared with me last summer...it simply states all the things I wish for me kids and my streetleaders. I know I wont be there to see all of it happen but I pray that it does and that they know how much they are loved

I wish you freedom

I wish you peace

I wish you nights of stars

That beckon you to sleep

I wish you heartache

That leaves you more of a man

I wish I could be there

But I can't

I wish you places

That sit so still

Where people never ever change

and never ever will

I wish I could hold you

And make you understand

I wish I could be there

But I can't

Be good for your mama

Cause she'll need a hand to hold

Boy, she loves you

More than you'll ever know

There are rhymes and there are reasons

And times when nothing stayed the same

But you know my love still remains

I wish you wisdom

I wish you years

I wish you armies

To conquer all your fears

I wish you courage for all that life demands

I wish I could be there

But I can't

Be good for your mama

Cause she'll need a hand to hold

Boy, she loves you

More than you'll ever know

There are rhymes and there are reasons

And times when nothing stayed the same

But you know my love still remains

I wish we were together

I wish I was home

I wish there were nights

Where I was never alone

I know I've said it

But I'll say it once again

I wish I could be there

But I can't