Pinky Promise

Today we had a break from training sessions and meetings to get our games together for the intern training. We spent the day cutting, coloring, researching, and roaming the basement of UrbanPromise for supplies. I am so excited for them to arrive and to see the relationships and growth begin.
In the afternoon we had a break so Laura (an AD who was an intern last summer) Wes (an exceptional newbie to the UrbanPromise family) and myself made our way to the down town house to give Wes a tour and to see if we can find any of the Camp Saved kids. As we walked we found a family who laura had grown to know thoughout last summer. The more time we were there the more comfortable everyone got. The kids were showing us their tattoos and Ju Ju challenged us all to a race (and all of them he won) As I left I realized that the doubts I had about moving into a new camp with a new director and new kids were gone. I feel so blessed to have my kids at Camp Peace that I adore but also have a new group at Camp Hope who I believe will be just amazing.
When we left today Ju Ju made each one of us pinky promise that we would come back and race him again. It's something I havnt done since middle school but it's a promise that I indend to keep. I am promising myself that nothing will hold me back this summer. The heart break that I know is inevitable when working in a City like Camden, the challenges that will come when living in such a unique community, or the walls that I have built. I am blessed to have this opprotunity and I am going to take full advantage of what God has in store.

First post of the summer!!!!!

Finally made it!!!!! On friday I arrived back in camden for the summer!!!! Things have already started getting crazy, long days full of orientation and training, running around like crazy to get ready for the golf event today and everything for the interns who will arrive on monday. However this weekend we were able to spend our AD retreat in the woods, in a beautiful home getting to know the teams who would be leading the interns this summer. I think the biggest blessing by far has been the team placed here this summer. It is amazing the amount of, love, compassion, prayer, inside jokes, and nicknames that have already formed amoung the group. I find it amazing that God continues to bless me with people who I learn and grow from. I believe God has many purposes for this summer and my prayer is that I can stay out of my own way long enough to hear and see what he is showing me. I have had the honor of being able to use my voice and gifts with music to help lead worship with devotions, and that has been something huge for me. Even though I helped with worship often last summer I am still getting the hang of things and trying to figure things out. At times I struggle with being able to get out of the music and into actual worship and it has been on my heart because I feel that if I am not able to enter into that place then I am holding back the rest or the group from being able to truely worship as well. I have realized that the Holy Spirit works reguardless of if I can see it or feel it. And for that I am sooo grateful.
I know this blog has been all over the place and scattered which I guess makes sense because that is what life is sometimes like as an UrbanPromise intern
more to come later....

I Refuse

So I have to confess I don't get to go to church very often. As a poor college student I work whenever the hours are available and I always have the sunday morning shift. Although I would rather be at church most sundays, I cant refuse the work especially when its one of my two shifts weekly during the school year. Anyway tomorrow I have off and had told my Pastor that I would be there and could sing if they had still wanted me to. So at youth group this week I cam across a song that I reallyyyyy liked. It's Called I refuse and it sums up a lot of the feelings I have going into camden and my last week at home.

I don't want to live like I don't care

I don't want to say another empty prayer

Oh, I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else

To do what God has called me to do myself

I could choose not to move

But I refuse

I could CHOOSE not to go to Camden, I could CHOOSE not to notice the hurting and the needy, I could CHOOSE not to listen to the calling I hear, I could CHOOSE to be "responsible" and work and save money,  I could CHOOSE to be "practical" and find a ministry closer to home, I could CHOOSE not to move, but I REFUSE. Sometimes I think it would be sooooooo much easier not to choose, just to pretend like everyone's okay, to say a prayer and feel fulfilled but I would be lying to myself. God calls people to MOVE and anything less than that, at this point would be ignoring him. 

As I was practicing this song to sing in church tomorrow it crossed my mind "this can sound alittle holier than thou" but for me its not about  parading around what I'm doing or how much God is using me. It's crying out, saying I dont want to be this, but it feels like the whole world is against me and I need your strength. 

In less than a week I will be moving back into Camden for the summer. I pray that he breaks me, and he uses me.

Notice the Rainbow

I love thunderstorms, I can't remember ever being one of those kids who was deathly afraid of them. In fact the only memory I really have involving thunderstorms and it's a good one. When we were kids we use to swim at my grandparents in-ground pool all the time. You could see the thunderstorm coming across town and they would warn us we would soon have to get out of the pool. But we wouldn't have it, we practically lived in that pool and wouldn't give up without a fight. So one time my grandfather came up with this idea that if we jumped into the pool after we hear the thunder we would be safe because lightning strikes before you hear the thunder. So thats what we did for many thunderstorms to follow all 7 of my cousins would be jumping in and out of the pool for the whole storm. 


It's one of those things in life that many of us fret while its going on and its right in front of us but then hardly notice when it passes. When your caught in the rain with no umbrella your bound to notice but when the drizzle stops and the dark clouds keep moving its like nothing ever happened. 


Sometimes its easy for my life to feel this way, I fret about money, juries, the dog barking, the car breaking down, or the keys I cant find, and at that point in time it feels like my life revolves around the issue at hand. I can pray and pray and pray my butt off but how often do I forget to say thank you, or notice when he takes that burden away. I pray that my eyes are open to see every blessing and not to take it for granted. I want to notice every rainbow...

Calling

So at Messiah we have this class called "Created and Called for Community" otherwise knows as CCC, to put it kindly this was not one of my favorite classes. My professor was tough and much of the class felt pointless. However one thing has stuck with me from that class, and that was the idea of calling. One of the many definitions we discussed claimed that a calling is when your greatest joy meets the worlds greatest needs. I saw this truly come to life this summer, I was undoubtedly the happiest I have ever been, while serving a community often overlooked and ignored. It was hot, crowded, and exhausting but I experienced joy, and thats how I knew for at least this point in time that I had found my calling. With that being said I have decided at least for the time being that I want to move to Camden after I graduate. Im not sure how God is going to use me yet or what I will be doing (which drives the control freak inside of me crazy) but I know that this is my hearts desire. Messiah has been a place that has helped me learn and grow not only as a student but as a person and as a christian. I know that it has molded me into the person that I am today and the person that I am going to be in the future however it is also a great source of stress. 
Now you may think well no kidding...its college who isnt stressed, but its not the classes or the craziness of rehearsals and lessons and everything else going on. Its money. I HATE money, it is one thing that can make me crazy and seems to be the source of all arguments in my life lately. Messiah is downright expensive, with that being said I realize that I am incredibly blessed to have the opportunity to go there and just the fact that the financial aid worked out is a miracle. But that dosent help me sleep any better at night. Messiah has helped me realize my calling in Camden but I fear that it will also hold me back from pursuing that calling. I have faith that God will provide...he always has but at times I wonder if I'm not making a mistake.

Hope

Hope: the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best
I have hope for this city, I have hope for these kids, and I am lucky enough to have hope as my sister
But this summer I also have the privilege of working at camp hope! On june 17th I will leave for my summer in camden, this year I will be an assistant director at a new camp with new kids, staff and director! As I think about my previous summer sometimes I cant help but think that the kind of community and friendships that were present can never be recreated. And although I know that this summer is going to be full of new opportunities and challenges I also know that God never ceases to amaze me and I have faith that there is something HUGE in store for this summer. Over the last year I have seen heart ache, and hurting people but I have also seen God move and work in ways that I never expected. I am excited for the chance to spend another summer in Camden, and to be able to share this experience with my sister. I am so thankful for the things that God has shown me and I have high hopes for this summer!

I live for days like these

One of my favorite things to do in Camden is spend time with small groups of kids. I loved bible buddies for this reason too, your able to really get to know the kids on a different level when your spending extra time with them and they start realizing how much you care. So I had set up plans with Rahmir's grandma to pick him to go to the aquarium and to lunch with myself, hope and Tatiana another student from camp peace. As I talk to Rahmir who is standing barefoot in his door way he informs me that he dosnt want to go with us. I start realizing that Hope is going to be crushed. This is her favorite camp kid who she has been soooo excited to spend time with not to mention the fact that we just drove two hours to camden to take him out anyway he refused to go. So Hope and I decide to make a stop at the house of another camp kid, the easter package that we had tried sending was returned so I wanted to leave it on the door step anyway, so I knock on the door realizing that I am a stranger showing up early on a saturday morning asking to take her kids away but after talking she allows Daquan and his sister to come out with us and they are sooooo excited. The day was fantastic, seeing the usually cool tough 4th grader holding his sisters hand and opening the doors for everyone brought a smile to my face. When I picked the kids up his mom had told me their father is incarcerated and they have been struggling for a while. I never know how Gods going to use me or who God is using to touch me but I have realized that he teaches me so much through these kids, more than I could ever learn in a classroom. I live for days like these.