Home is where the heart is

Home is where the heart is

I guess in many ways that's true. And I am blessed enough to have many homes, I have a home in Elizabethtown full of people who love me, it holds all my memories from childhood and from high school. I have a home at Messiah where I am learning the skills that I need to one day be an incredible teacher. And I have a home in Camden NJ, where I find my calling which is also my greatest joy. I leave a little bit of my heart in all of these places which at times honestly hurts. I have always struggled with adjusting back into my other homes, even though I love them as well it always feels like part of me is missing. 

One of the things I have learned through this time spent in Camden is that I can make it. When ever I have been in Camden it has always been in groups. However this time I lived there as a room mate, paying rent, buying groceries, initially I worried about being able to hack it on my own, I know I can fit in with 12 other interns but living there on my own was a new adventure. But I loved it, I was able to hang out with my kids, grow and learn from my room mates, and hang out with old friends. 

I am not as sad coming home this time, knowing that while a piece of my heart is still there I will always return. I'm blessed to be given the opprotunity to know these amazing kids.

Today I got to play receptionist, after answering a few calls and surfing the web I quickly ran out of things to do. So Jonathan a volunteer from fellowship house sits down and starts talking to me about his family, being adopted and  moving to Camden. As we sit I think about how cool it is that I meet all these people with such amazing stories and wisdom to share. As we talk I hear a noise outside, after a second of shock it starts setting in that they are gunshots... people are frantic, running down the street screaming. My first thought is our kids stand on those streets all the time. In fact in about a half an hour they would be getting off the bus and running those streets into our camp. How could someone be shooting in broad daylight with kids around? My director made the decision that we should cancel camp for the day. Even though this is prolly the safest time to be on this street we don't want to bring the kids into this type of environment. I am asked to ride in the bus so I can explain to parents why we are not having camp. As I walk to the bus I lift the yellow caution tape walking through a crime scene to go get my kids.

It is reported that a woman was shot in the torso at 2:10 today...we were told she was shot as she was putting a child in the back seat of a car...my heart breaks from that child.

I still don't know how to process any of this, and at times I feel ridiculous for even writing all this when I know it happens often in this city. But that's part of the problem, in a city where murder is a norm its so easy to become desensitized to the things going on around you. It should never be normal for kids, or adults for that matter to hear gunshots  

cant believe I have been here over a week!

Every time I come back to Camden I have a new experience. I feel like through this time I have found a lot of independence, which is a good feeling. I have said many times I want to move here or I could see myself living here but now I have actually gotten the chance to try it out. At first I thought it may be a challenge. I am use to being surrounded by people whenever I am here, going from a house with 12 interns to having my own room in the basement was a big jump but I love it! I feel like I still have my UrbanPromise family and I'm thankful that they all take me in and allow me to tag along. Between the diner runs, jam sessions, big booty, and sushi in philly it has been a great weekend! 

On monday I took kids to the movies, it was great! The movie was cute and they were all excited to be going out. And tomorrow I am having 3 of my boys from camp over for dinner. They were soooo excited when I invited them today. They kept coming to my classroom asking about what we are going to be doing, what were eating, if they can help, and I'm ecstatic that they are so excited!  

My prayer for the next week is that I can just be still and listen to God. There's no doubt that I love the people he has surrounded me with but for now I want to focus on listening to him.

Blessed beyond belief

I can't believe that my first week of after school program is done! With the snow that we got we ended up only having two days of program but it gave me a chance to hang out with some old and new friends. Next week we only have program two days as well, which at first really made me bummed. I LOVE getting to see my camp kids and want to spend as much time with them as I can while I'm here so having another short week ahead made me kinda sad. But I came up with an idea, I was going to hang out with camp kids on the days that we don't have program. 

As I'm talking to Shakeera a high school senior that works at camp peace we decide on Samantha and Francisco, two kids from the neighborhood. So I decided to walk to their house this afternoon to meet their mom and ask if I would be able to take them out to a movie on Monday. As Shakeera and I walk towards their house honestly I'm a little nervous. I have never met their parents before and I have no idea what kind of house I'm walking into, not to mention the fact that I have only been back in Camden for a week. The parents don't know who I am, typically the only interaction I have at the fellowship house is with the kids and staff. But never the less I follow shakeera into the house. When we walk in I introduce myself the their mom, there are kids all around but none of which are my camp kids. I explain that my name is Holly and I worked at Camp peace over the summer, and immediately she says oh yes Samantha talks about you all the time. I cannot even explain the feeling that gave me, I actually wasn't even that close to her over the summer but I send her letters here and there, I had never gotten anything in return to even know they arrived. However without me even knowing it I was making an impact of some kind. Her mom says that its fine for me to take them out and Samantha will be so excited that I want to take her out. This will Samantha's and Francisco's second time ever being in a movie theater, something that I know I took for granted as a kid. And I feel so amazingly blessed to be able to know these kids.

I feel like when you work in a city like Camden everything's heightened and emotionally it's hard. When things go well, it's amazing and you feel like you see God presence everywhere you go. But in the same moment when you see this city full of beauty, hope and promise, you see the lows like the homeless woman with 4 kids walking into the shelter that she calls home. When I pray lord break my heart for what breaks yours, I see the hurt and the injustice but I also the hope in the people I meet everyday. Both are very strong emotions and it's overwhelming to see and feel them both simultaneously.

Just a quick note...

So I have made it back to Camden! At times it feels like I'm home again. It's late and I hope to write more later but we started camp today. I got a list of responsibilities for my time here, things that I do during the day to prepare for camp and everything but the fun really starts at 3 when all the kids start rolling up. Since I left after the summer I have tried to send kids mail as often as I can, I will send cards, birthday packages and small things. Not to long ago I sent Ron Ron (one of my favorite camp kids) a birthday package with candy and cars and little things I hoped he would like. And in fact he did, Tony his director told me that when Ron Ron found out I was back to visit he said that I was his girl! Ron Ron had told his friends at camp about the package and word spread, suddenly all the kids felt they needed to tell me when there birthday was. One kid we call shadow (he's always following someone around) was adamant about getting a package and I assured him I would send one. As time went on I accidentally missed his birthday but at my next visit he reminded me again that its ok if it was late. Money was tight and I didnt have much to send but 2 months after his birthday I sent out a craft kit, something small that he would scratch away the black layer to reveal a rainbow of colors underneath. When I saw shadow today I asked him if he got the package and he told me he did and he used it too! I asked how his birthday was, kinda forgetting it was months ago but he said it was okay I didnt get any presents this year other than the one you sent, thats why Im getting double present next year for my birthday. He broke my heart, so many times I get busy or feel like i dont have the extra money but I pray God opens my eyes to kids like shadow in hopes that they just know their loved.